mama grief journey – FALLING RIGHT SIDE UP

You Better Not Pout, You Better Not Cry… 🎅🏼

“You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout…” … scratch that, because actually, sometimes it’s okay! You’d be wearing your 3T Christmas Tree Sweater that matches perfectly with MacKenna and Arthur. I imagine you in a brand new phase of ‘fascination with Santa’, showing your little brother that he’s really notContinue reading “You Better Not Pout, You Better Not Cry… 🎅🏼”

Theodore’s 3rd Birthday in Heaven🎈

August 30, 2019 It was the day that you, my breathtakingly beautiful baby, redefined the meaning of my entire life. It was a day that your perfect self entered our world through so many imperfect adversities. And still, somehow, Mama finds it more difficult to manage the raw emotion surrounding the day that you enteredContinue reading “Theodore’s 3rd Birthday in Heaven🎈”

ARTHUR IS ➓ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!

⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷—————————➙ 18 pounds 13 ounce➙ 28.75 inches long➙ new words: “Ga-Ga!” & “Maaaa!”➙ got 4 new teeth on top all at once➙ “Mr. Open-Mouth Slobbery Smoocher”➙ smacks lips and signs for “more” food➙ favorite: swinging fast at the park➙ only drinks from special 360-rim sippy cup➙ lowered crib since strong boyContinue reading “ARTHUR IS ➓ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!”

Seeing The Unseen

𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗨𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻 It’s such a blessing and a curse. The hard truth is when I look at a picture of my children, I instantly see the one that is missing. It is my broken heart that sometimes has the 20/20 vision, while my regular eyesight takes a backseat. I see the unseen. I see the empty spaceContinue reading “Seeing The Unseen”

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲

𝟰/𝟵/𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟬 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲 I saw the flat line. It was a flat line that told me your heart was finally too tired to produce another beat. An illuminated flat line had the ability to call the attention of dozens of people within seconds; my own eyes being the first and the last to acknowledge the magnitude of itsContinue reading “𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲”

➑ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!

⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷ ➙ 17 pounds 5 ounces ➙ 27.5 inches long ➙ only sits still for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse ➙ rather nibble on own feet vs. dinner ➙ “Mr. Crazy Squawky Pants” ➙ hits fists on mouth to make funny sounds ➙ huge fan of peanut butter ➙ loves when Mama sings ‘Open-Shut Them’ ➙ highly offended if binky is offered ➙ obsessed with banana puffsContinue reading “➑ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!”

‘223 Reminiscent Days’ with “my boy(s)”…

Today, you outlive your brother. Which means: 223 days of loving you… 223 days of studying your eyes; I fixate on the faint gold ring around your dark pupil and how it dissolves into a large mass of deep crystal blue. 223 days of kissing your head; I lean in with pursed lips, simultaneously inhalingContinue reading “‘223 Reminiscent Days’ with “my boy(s)”…”

ARTHUR IS ➐ MONTHS!

⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷ ➙ 16 pounds 11 ounces ➙ 27.5 inches long ➙ two cute bottom front teeth ➙ somehow acquired nickname: ‘Moo Moo’ ➙ “Mr. Loves To Shout”-not just for the Bills ➙ boycotts sleep whenever possible ➙ not a fan of peas and green beans ➙ loves music; especially Big SisContinue reading “ARTHUR IS ➐ MONTHS!”

THEODORE NELSON BRINGS ‘CHD AWARENESS’ TO TELEVISION! 📺

Mama certainly prefers being 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 the camera verses in front of it… but I’d also climb to the top of Mount Everest if it meant sharing your story, Theodore… ‘CHD Awareness’ is now something I will be forever passionate about until the day I die, when I can hold my courageous heart warrior in myContinue reading “THEODORE NELSON BRINGS ‘CHD AWARENESS’ TO TELEVISION! 📺”

𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗛𝗨𝗥 𝗜𝗦 ➏ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!

⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷—————————➙ 16 pounds 1 ounce➙ 26.25 inches long➙ rosey cheeks; poor teething babe➙ sits-up unassisted for a few minutes➙ “Mr. Handsome Hot Temper”➙ wakes up 1-2 times a night for a snack ➙ devours all of Mama’s homemade purées➙ favs: snowy walks & blowing raspberries ➙ refuses the bottle and demands Mama➙Continue reading “𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗛𝗨𝗥 𝗜𝗦 ➏ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!”