chd – FALLING RIGHT SIDE UP

𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗢𝗦 👋🏼

When your child dies before you, it’s what you live for… the ‘little hellos’ that take you by surprise; the ‘little hellos’ that keep you going for the next hour, the next day, the next year without them… It’s the ‘little hello’ from the red cardinal that swoops down in front of your car. It’sContinue reading “𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗢𝗦 👋🏼 “

CHD is weird.

“You wanna know something, Mom? Everything that is weird today is Theodore magic!” -𝗠𝗮𝗰𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗡𝗲𝗹𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝟴/𝟯𝟬/𝟮𝟯 (𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗼𝗱𝗼𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝟰𝘁𝗵 𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆) My little 8-year-old was certainly on to something, as we were walking the beach back in August; she made a very basic point that carries a whole lot of punch. ‘𝘞𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥’… It’s such an innocent way to put it. CHD isContinue reading “CHD is weird.”

𝟮𝟮𝟯 𝗗𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗘 🖤

Oh, Oliver… I’ll admit, it’s one weird milestone I never fathomed ‘recognizing’… It’s a day I did not celebrate with your sister; I suppose I never had a reason to… It’s a day I took for granted; after all, she was so easy to “keep alive”. It’s a day I only began to pinpoint afterContinue reading ” 𝟮𝟮𝟯 𝗗𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗘 🖤”

𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝟰𝘁𝗵 𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗼𝗱𝗼𝗿𝗲 August 30, 2023 Here I am again at the water’s edge. I find myself chasing the coast line to feel closer to you. You seem bigger here; maybe because I feel so minuscule compared to the enormous crashing waves at my feet. The fierce waters roar, yet somehow their tonic pulse is calming to myContinue reading “𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝟰𝘁𝗵 𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆 “

You Better Not Pout, You Better Not Cry… 🎅🏼

“You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout…” … scratch that, because actually, sometimes it’s okay! You’d be wearing your 3T Christmas Tree Sweater that matches perfectly with MacKenna and Arthur. I imagine you in a brand new phase of ‘fascination with Santa’, showing your little brother that he’s really notContinue reading “You Better Not Pout, You Better Not Cry… 🎅🏼”

Theodore’s 3rd Birthday in Heaven🎈

August 30, 2019 It was the day that you, my breathtakingly beautiful baby, redefined the meaning of my entire life. It was a day that your perfect self entered our world through so many imperfect adversities. And still, somehow, Mama finds it more difficult to manage the raw emotion surrounding the day that you enteredContinue reading “Theodore’s 3rd Birthday in Heaven🎈”

Seeing The Unseen

𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗨𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻 It’s such a blessing and a curse. The hard truth is when I look at a picture of my children, I instantly see the one that is missing. It is my broken heart that sometimes has the 20/20 vision, while my regular eyesight takes a backseat. I see the unseen. I see the empty spaceContinue reading “Seeing The Unseen”

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲

𝟰/𝟵/𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟬 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲 I saw the flat line. It was a flat line that told me your heart was finally too tired to produce another beat. An illuminated flat line had the ability to call the attention of dozens of people within seconds; my own eyes being the first and the last to acknowledge the magnitude of itsContinue reading “𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲”

➑ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!

⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷ ➙ 17 pounds 5 ounces ➙ 27.5 inches long ➙ only sits still for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse ➙ rather nibble on own feet vs. dinner ➙ “Mr. Crazy Squawky Pants” ➙ hits fists on mouth to make funny sounds ➙ huge fan of peanut butter ➙ loves when Mama sings ‘Open-Shut Them’ ➙ highly offended if binky is offered ➙ obsessed with banana puffsContinue reading “➑ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!”

‘223 Reminiscent Days’ with “my boy(s)”…

Today, you outlive your brother. Which means: 223 days of loving you… 223 days of studying your eyes; I fixate on the faint gold ring around your dark pupil and how it dissolves into a large mass of deep crystal blue. 223 days of kissing your head; I lean in with pursed lips, simultaneously inhalingContinue reading “‘223 Reminiscent Days’ with “my boy(s)”…”