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𝐻𝑜𝓌’𝓈 𝒾𝓉 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 ?
… it’s a question you ask in parenthood the moment your child leaves your arms, exits your home, or quite frankly does anything outside of your presence for more than just a few hours. Your partner takes the baby for a while: you find yourself checking in, “How’s it going?” Date night with your spouse:…
🧸𝟭𝗦𝗧 “𝗧𝗘𝗗𝗗𝗬” 𝗕𝗘𝗔𝗥 𝗚𝗜𝗩𝗘-𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗧🧸
This past weekend, we officially made our first trip back to Pittsburgh, PA since Theodore passed away in April, 2020. Along with providing a catered lunch for the Ronald McDonald House Facility, attached to UPMC Children’s Hospital, our intention was to “fill the (coffee) cups” of as many parents as possible… However, it was definitely…
𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗢𝗦 👋🏼
When your child dies before you, it’s what you live for… the ‘little hellos’ that take you by surprise; the ‘little hellos’ that keep you going for the next hour, the next day, the next year without them… It’s the ‘little hello’ from the red cardinal that swoops down in front of your car. It’s…
CHD is weird.
“You wanna know something, Mom? Everything that is weird today is Theodore magic!” -𝗠𝗮𝗰𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗡𝗲𝗹𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝟴/𝟯𝟬/𝟮𝟯 (𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗼𝗱𝗼𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝟰𝘁𝗵 𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆) My little 8-year-old was certainly on to something, as we were walking the beach back in August; she made a very basic point that carries a whole lot of punch. ‘𝘞𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥’… It’s such an innocent way to put it. CHD is…
𝟮𝟮𝟯 𝗗𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗘 🖤
Oh, Oliver… I’ll admit, it’s one weird milestone I never fathomed ‘recognizing’… It’s a day I did not celebrate with your sister; I suppose I never had a reason to… It’s a day I took for granted; after all, she was so easy to “keep alive”. It’s a day I only began to pinpoint after…
𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝟰𝘁𝗵 𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆
𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗼𝗱𝗼𝗿𝗲 August 30, 2023 Here I am again at the water’s edge. I find myself chasing the coast line to feel closer to you. You seem bigger here; maybe because I feel so minuscule compared to the enormous crashing waves at my feet. The fierce waters roar, yet somehow their tonic pulse is calming to my…
Oliver’s Dedication🌿
July 23, 2023 When “we thank God for giving us Oliver”, and all four of our children, we are recognizing that our most precious possessions belonged to Him first. If ‘God gives’, He must initially possess. It’s a hard concept to grasp; God giving us His beloved children to care for as our own. But,…
You Better Not Pout, You Better Not Cry… 🎅🏼
“You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout…” … scratch that, because actually, sometimes it’s okay! You’d be wearing your 3T Christmas Tree Sweater that matches perfectly with MacKenna and Arthur. I imagine you in a brand new phase of ‘fascination with Santa’, showing your little brother that he’s really not…
Theodore’s 3rd Birthday in Heaven🎈
August 30, 2019 It was the day that you, my breathtakingly beautiful baby, redefined the meaning of my entire life. It was a day that your perfect self entered our world through so many imperfect adversities. And still, somehow, Mama finds it more difficult to manage the raw emotion surrounding the day that you entered…
ARTHUR IS ➓ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!
⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷—————————➙ 18 pounds 13 ounce➙ 28.75 inches long➙ new words: “Ga-Ga!” & “Maaaa!”➙ got 4 new teeth on top all at once➙ “Mr. Open-Mouth Slobbery Smoocher”➙ smacks lips and signs for “more” food➙ favorite: swinging fast at the park➙ only drinks from special 360-rim sippy cup➙ lowered crib since strong boy…
My Easel Back 
That’s right, Michael Nelson, you’re an easel back. Hear me out… I’m talking about those long straight edge structures that protrude out from behind a picture frame. It may be the unpopular opinion, but the ‘easel back’ is quite frankly the most important piece. Without it, the beautiful image behind glass would simply fall flat…
Seeing The Unseen
𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗨𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻 It’s such a blessing and a curse. The hard truth is when I look at a picture of my children, I instantly see the one that is missing. It is my broken heart that sometimes has the 20/20 vision, while my regular eyesight takes a backseat. I see the unseen. I see the empty space…
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲
𝟰/𝟵/𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟬 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲 I saw the flat line. It was a flat line that told me your heart was finally too tired to produce another beat. An illuminated flat line had the ability to call the attention of dozens of people within seconds; my own eyes being the first and the last to acknowledge the magnitude of its…
➑ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!
⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷ ➙ 17 pounds 5 ounces ➙ 27.5 inches long ➙ only sits still for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse ➙ rather nibble on own feet vs. dinner ➙ “Mr. Crazy Squawky Pants” ➙ hits fists on mouth to make funny sounds ➙ huge fan of peanut butter ➙ loves when Mama sings ‘Open-Shut Them’ ➙ highly offended if binky is offered ➙ obsessed with banana puffs…
‘223 Reminiscent Days’ with “my boy(s)”…
Today, you outlive your brother. Which means: 223 days of loving you… 223 days of studying your eyes; I fixate on the faint gold ring around your dark pupil and how it dissolves into a large mass of deep crystal blue. 223 days of kissing your head; I lean in with pursed lips, simultaneously inhaling…
ARTHUR IS ➐ MONTHS!
⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷ ➙ 16 pounds 11 ounces ➙ 27.5 inches long ➙ two cute bottom front teeth ➙ somehow acquired nickname: ‘Moo Moo’ ➙ “Mr. Loves To Shout”-not just for the Bills ➙ boycotts sleep whenever possible ➙ not a fan of peas and green beans ➙ loves music; especially Big Sis…
THEODORE NELSON BRINGS ‘CHD AWARENESS’ TO TELEVISION! 📺
Mama certainly prefers being 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 the camera verses in front of it… but I’d also climb to the top of Mount Everest if it meant sharing your story, Theodore… ‘CHD Awareness’ is now something I will be forever passionate about until the day I die, when I can hold my courageous heart warrior in my…
❤ ⅔ ❤
Here’s 𝟐 of my 𝟑 little Valentines that will forever occupy their own little spaces in my heart. Theodore has taught me that our hearts are cool like that… what the eyes can no longer see, the heart will always remember. And even though my heart feels very empty with one Valentine gone, the perfectly portioned sections specially reserved for…
𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗛𝗨𝗥 𝗜𝗦 ➏ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!
⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷—————————➙ 16 pounds 1 ounce➙ 26.25 inches long➙ rosey cheeks; poor teething babe➙ sits-up unassisted for a few minutes➙ “Mr. Handsome Hot Temper”➙ wakes up 1-2 times a night for a snack ➙ devours all of Mama’s homemade purées➙ favs: snowy walks & blowing raspberries ➙ refuses the bottle and demands Mama➙…
𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗛𝗨𝗥 𝗜𝗦 ➎ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!
⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷—————————➙ 15 pounds 1 ounce➙ 25.5 inches long➙ reaches for anything in sight, our faces included➙ met Santa, but infatuated with Mrs. Claus➙ “Mr. I’ll Bite Your Knuckles” (if you let me)➙ enjoyed 1st Thanksgiving at the table➙ sleeps through the night… when Dad is home➙ favorite: staring at all the…
Merry Christmas- 2021
Tears are allowed to exist amongst happiness; when they appear, they’re just deemed ‘happy tears’. So surely smiles are allowed to exist amongst grief; I say we just deem them ‘grieving smiles’… These grieving smiles are certainly forced at times; yet they also originate from new perspective, and carry immense gratitude for the present day.…
𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗛𝗨𝗥 𝗜𝗦 ➍ 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦!
⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷—————————➙ 14 pounds➙ 24.5 inches long➙ officially part of the “rolling club”➙ superhero Jack-Jack for Halloween➙ “Mr. I Don’t Like Sleep Anymore”➙ enjoyed 1st time on the swing at the park➙ wakes up every 2-4 hours overnight again➙ loves to watch Big Sis dance and play piano➙ cracks up at Dad’s…
ARTHUR IS 3 MONTHS!
⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷—————————➙ 12 pounds, 11 ounces➙ 23.75 inches long➙ gives wide-mouthed smiles to anyone➙ starts to giggle when feet are rubbed➙ “Happy Drooly Thumb-Sucker”➙ made first trip to Niagara Falls➙ usually sleeps 10 hours through the night➙ favorites: long car rides to fall festivals➙ loves having loud “conversations” with Dad➙ got dedicated…
ARTHUR IS 2 MONTHS!
⫸ 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝕋𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 ⫷ ————————— ➙ 11 pounds, 13 ounces ➙ 22.25 inches long ➙ gives the most adorable genuine smiles ➙ loves to have babbling conversations ➙ “Smiley Spitter-Upper” ➙ completed a 7-hour road-trip vacation ➙ sleeps 6-8 hour stretches at night ➙ favorites: blue binky & finger nibbling ➙ enjoys long warm baths with Mama ➙ prefers lullabies over white noise ⫸ 𝕄𝕒𝕞𝕒’𝕤 𝕄𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕄𝕒𝕣𝕧𝕖𝕝𝕠𝕦𝕤 𝕄𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥 ⫷ ————————————————————— Contrary to time…
𝗡𝗢𝗧 “𝗧𝗪𝗢” 𝗙𝗔𝗥 𝗔𝗪𝗔𝗬…🎂
Oh Theodore, you would’ve been TWO today… I remember this moment… I remember being so thrilled that you were “comfortable” enough on this particular day to lay ‘chest to chest’ with mommy; feeling your chest rise and fall with each breath against mine was well worth recruiting someone to help coordinate the process of delicately…
ARTHUR THEODORE NELSON
On July 23, 2021, at 5:57am, all 7 pounds and 19.5 inches of you entered this world and brought a fresh, yet familiar wave of immeasurable joy… We cannot wait to introduce you to the world’s best big sister, MacKenna, and teach you all about your incredible big brother, Theodore. I know Teddy is looking…
…It all begins and end with a kiss 💋
Think about it. The first instinct a father has when holding their precious baby is to kiss their cheek… because what feels better than fresh newborn skin pressed against your lips when no words seem significant enough to properly represent your overwhelming amount of love? Those same fathers eventually experience earthly departures, yet that same…
⚡️WONDER WOMAN IS 6⚡️
I laughed when this little “superhero” requested a ‘Wonder Woman Birthday’ because prior to last month, the words were never even in her vocabulary… Ironically, her ‘silly thought’ quickly evolved to a very ‘appropriate suggestion’, as I soon began to realize that MacKenna casted herself for the perfect role… I think back over the past…
Family Of Five 🖐🏼
𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞… 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞… 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞… Dear Theodore- The gift of your life has brought immeasurable joy, even through the darkest days. The gift of your life has drawn us closer to God, as we’ve realized our own lack of control. The gift of your life has indicated that prayer does not always change circumstances, but it certainly…
1 Year In Heaven…👼
Tomorrow, April 9, 2020 – My heart broke the same day yours was made whole… And although I miss you more with every beat of my broken heart, I’d gladly give-up a piece of my heart, to know that God has replaced the missing piece of yours… I hope you know how absolutely, incredibly PERFECT…
A Special Gift 🐰✝️
“Theodore picked out this stuffed bunny as a special gift for you, right before he went up to heaven to live with Jesus…” That’s what we had to tell our 4-year-old three days before Easter last year. As tears welled-up in MacKenna’s eyes, she was devastated, yet grateful all at the same time. She couldn’t…
live. love. & smile.
2020, if you’ve taught me anything, it is that a smile can both disguise pain and exude joy all. at. the. same. time… It is that sadness and happiness know how to coexist if you’ll allow them… It is that grieving can last a lifetime, but family lasts longer; family bonds are eternal… Yes, 2020,…
6 MONTHS GONE
Hi Theodore,Momma here…Today, marks 6 months.Half a year since I’ve looked into those fierce eyes.I have nothing profound to say,besides “I love you more than life itself”. Thank you for filling my arms for 223 days.It’s your strength that has quite literally become mine.Just one thought of your courage empowers me to do absolutely anything.And it…
IMPRINTS 👣🤚🏼
Happy Birthday, Michael! Although we never have a shortage of family ‘selfies’, it was these two very separate and distinct monumental moments that pulled at my heartstrings while I was browsing for a picture that best depicted YOU. It was reflecting on these two emotional days of saying ‘hello’ to our daughter and ‘goodbye’ to…
ALIVE IN THE SHADOWS
Happy 1st Birthday, my sweet Theodore. Mommy wanted to do something extra special to honor your beautiful soul; an eternal soul that is still very much alive. From the day you were born, it was always your soul that touched me more than your body. Even on your birthday, they whisked you away for the first open…
WE LOCKED EYES
The church doors opened, and all I saw was you. Not the friends and family gleaming on either side of the aisle, or even the photographer following us with flashing lights could distract me from your eyes. I felt my Dad’s strong grip around my arm, but it was your misty eyes that remained my…
CHEEK TO CHEEK
That is how it should still be… your pudgy little cheek pressed up against mine; your wispy blonde hairs tickling my temple as I press in closer and closer to you. Some mornings when it’s extra hard to catch my breath, I even find myself taking the back of my hand and pressing it up…
DADDY’S ARMS
Little did I know that this would be your last picture with Theodore. And the more I stare at it, the more I realize how this final moment with your son perfectly summarized your entire relationship. Theodore always felt safe in his daddy’s arms. And you, Michael Nelson, are the pillar of strength for our…
FREEZE!
️Here is my favorite ‘brunette Elsa’, who happens to be much better at ‘melting hearts’ than freezing them… HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY, MacKenna! Mom & Dad could not be more proud to call you our daughter. You became a big sister, and lost your baby brother all in the same year. Your delicate little heart has…
FORTIFIED. 🥛
All 1,248 ounces were fortified with an extremely large dose of love… When you fortify, you add an element of ‘value’ to something that could benefit from being strengthened. And there’s no doubt that Theodore Nelson was born a ‘fortifier’; his tenacity could invigorate anyone and enhance their lives for the better. He was a…
•• REALITY ••
MK insisted on taking her little brother for a drive today. Never in my wildest dreams did I think ‘playtime’ would look like this… but ‘this’ is our reality. And that’s the thing about ‘reality’ – you can’t hide from it. You can either run from reality, or choose to accept it. Although, trying to…
TURNING PAIN INTO PURPOSE 👇
It has been one month since I’ve held my beautiful baby boy… and within those painful 30 days, besides feeling every single emotion known to man, coupled with periods of complete numbness, I’ve realized this: it’s not about “learning to get over it”, it’s about “learning to live through it”… and for me, that includes…
Surprise Tribute From Community Honoring Theodore R. Nelson
We laid our cherished Theodore Richard Nelson to rest on Tuesday, April 14th, 2020. This global pandemic has got nothin’ on the ‘Teddy Bear Warrior’ community! I’m still speechless from this complete SURPRISE… & I’m still having a very hard time formulating sentences to express what is in my heart; my heart is simply in…
LOVE IS ETERNAL ❤️
My beautiful Theodore; my precious Teddy Bear, my strong and courageous Warrior, my brave and fierce Baby Boy – Momma will always love you with every fiber of my being and every ounce of my soul. If love could have kept you here, it would have kept you here one thousand years… but I’ll give…
3/24/20 -OPEN HEART SURGERY #3
Today we switch lanes on the hi-way. We’re entering a whole new phase of this journey with Theodore; I just pray that we’re veering into the ‘express lane’ with a straight shot home from here… Although, the next leg of this trip hasn’t yet begun, this Momma is already feeling a little “car sick”. Traveling…
🎉❗️200 DAYS IN THE CICU❗️🎉
Our ‘Mr. Theodorable’ turned 200 days old this past Tuesday and still continues to fight hard for life with every determined breath he takes! (…not to mention, he makes me smile about 200 times per day, too! ) I have learned a lot in 200 days… I have learned that one person’s ‘inconvenience’ can be another…
KEEP CALM AND LET THE STORM RAGE ON… 💪
“… The ‘unknown’ never bothered me anyway! ” ” ‘Cause don’t you know there’s part of me that lovvvess to gooo… into the UNKNOWNNN! ” I’ve obviously been exposed to Elsa songs way too much lately; thanks MacKenna! 🤣 …But in all seriousness, the declared national emergency has brought about a whole new extra set of ‘unknowns’…
HALF A YEAR WITH HALF A HEART ❤️
Our ‘Mr. Theodorable’ is 6 months old and able to turn anything from ordinary to extraordinary‼️… Working towards traditional developmental milestones with ‘half a heart’ is like climbing Mount Everest against every unfavorable condition that exists. When Theodore first smiled before his six month birthday, we reached the highest peak and claimed victory! I jumped…
HIS STORY 📖
Who doesn’t love a good drama? …Perhaps one with a juicy plot twist filled with new characters and unexpected events? …But what happens when the screen goes black and the white block lettering emerges: “to be continued…”? And better yet, how do you feel when it’s YOU staring as the main conflicted character? I was…
🖐🏼 MONTHS
HAPPY FIVE MONTHS, my sweet Teddy Bear. You have overcome more in five months than most people do in a lifetime. When I look at you, I see the ‘fierce’ in your twinkling eyes… I see the ‘determination’ in your pursed lips. I see the ‘courage’ in your healing scars. But most of all, I…
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FALLING RIGHT SIDE UP 