𝗡𝗢𝗧 “𝗧𝗪𝗢” 𝗙𝗔𝗥 𝗔𝗪𝗔𝗬…🎂

Oh Theodore, you would’ve been TWO today… 

I remember this moment… 

I remember being so thrilled that you were “comfortable” enough on this particular day to lay ‘chest to chest’ with mommy; feeling your chest rise and fall with each breath against mine was well worth recruiting someone to help coordinate the process of delicately getting you out of bed…

I remember praying so hard that you’d fall asleep so it would buy us more “cuddle time” together; it was like hitting the million dollar jackpot when something as simple as you napping in my arms actually took place…

I remember inhaling shallow enough to keep you sleeping, yet deep enough to permanently memorize your baby scent before they stole you for another open heart surgery the next day; my hand instinctually found it’s way to your fuzzy head, and like a helmet, my fingers spread wide to cover you, as if I could ward off all danger… 

Yet, I remember telling Daddy to “hurry up” and “take a picture” of this moment because I knew there’d be a day I’d no longer have you here to hold; your long-term prognosis haunted my every thought, as it predicted you leaving me well before I. could. even. “imagine”…

But, now what? …what happens when Mommy’s only choice is to “imagine”?  Well, as of lately, I tend to visualize heaven existing right here, among us on earth.  It was only a month ago that your little brother, Arthur, knew nothing besides “his own little world” that existed inside my womb. However, to his surprise, it was just a thin amniotic sac that separated him from a “whole new world” after birth. So, perhaps you are ‘closer’ to Mama after all; just like a baby that is unaware of their proximity in their mother’s belly and their ‘closeness’ to the next phase of life, maybe there’s also less “separation” between heaven and earth than we actually think?… Although the thought of ‘eternal life’ tends to be “located” up far away in the clouds, it surely helps calm my Mama heart to think that you are right here, with Jesus, just simply unseen; but eventually “within an arms reach”, too…

Happy 2nd Birthday in heaven, my beautiful boy.  I would give anything to hold your ‘two-year-old body’ in my arms today, but I thank God that heaven isn’t “two” far away… 

We love you more with each passing day that brings us closer to reuniting again. 

–Alexandria

… join me by #FallingRightSideUp 

when life gets turned upside down

Psalm 46:5